


Epic Love Stories

by bri_ness



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-10 19:01:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10445091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bri_ness/pseuds/bri_ness
Summary: Even's making a documentary of the epic love stories at Nissen. As Isak helps, he sees their relationship in new ways. Each chapter features a different character (or two), but Evak is consistent throughout. Set post-S3.





	1. Noora

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter was originally posted on my tumblr: brionbroadway. I've edited it a little since. Enjoy!

Isak thought Noora was only like this at night.

He’d overhear her on the phone with Eva: quiet, unsure, sad in the lonely kind of way Isak recognized. When morning came, she put on red lipstick, made lunch for her and Vilde, and brainstormed articles she believed could solve the world’s injustices. This week, she’s eliminating islamophobia. 

But in front of Even’s camera, she shifts in her seat, stares at the floor, and stumbles over her words.

“Do you still love William?”

Even’s question startles Isak. “Maybe we shouldn’t….” he starts, but Even holds his hand up. He is the filmmaker, and Isak is—well, they never really defined his role here. Groupie?

“No.”

That’s not what she says to Eva. Even doesn’t have superpowers.

Even raises his eyebrows. Isak stands corrected.

“Or….” Noora tries again. “I don’t know. I miss him being around.”

It’s that sad/lonely feeling. It tricks you. That’s why Isak dated Sara.

“So when you were in London,” Even prompts.

“When I was in London,” Noora repeats, then pauses. “I spent more time missing him than being with him.”

Isak spends more with Even than without him, but he recognizes that feeling, too. If that’s unhealthy, he decides he doesn’t care. 

“But you still loved him,” Even says. “Right?”

“Of course.”

“Then why didn’t you try and fix it? Why’d you come home instead?”

“I did try to fix it.” Noora’s words are careful now, deliberate. Isak watches her close and wonders if anyone watched him do the same.

“How?”

It’s useless. She’s locked now. “Do you have what you need?” she asks, standing up. Even nods as Isak shakes his head. Whatever Isak’s role is, he’s confident he’s doing it wrong. “Great. Eskild and I are going out. Will you still be here when we get back?”

Even looks to Isak for an answer. “Uh, yeah,” Isak says. “I live here.”

“He doesn’t!” Noora points to Even as though there are more than three people in the room. “And you’re not the only one who lives here, Isak.”

Noora knocks on Eskild’s door. “Eskild! We’re leaving!”

“But Even hasn’t gotten my close-up yet!”

“You’re not in the film!”

After Eskild lets Noora into his room, Even moves his equipment to outside of Eskild’s bedroom. Isak helps by not getting in the way. “What are you doing?” he whispers.

“Getting the love story!”

When Even proposed the documentary, epic love stories at Nissen, Isak worried that he was manic. When Isak isn’t worried that Even’s manic, he’s worried that he’s depressed. Minute by minute, he worries, he Googles, then worries some more. The only reprieve is kissing Even, and that’s only because kissing Even does this thing to his brain where he loses the ability to form thoughts other than _yes, more of this, please_.

But the documentary’s given Even focus, structure, a project for days he would’ve wasted. And every day should have the privilege of meeting Even.

“She barely said anything about William,” Isak says. Helping. Even smirks at him until he rolls his eyes. “Do you ever use your words?”

“I thought you preferred this.”

Isak shrugs because he's an indifferent, very cool dude. Nonchalant, some would say. Until Even kisses him and Isak has to clutch his shirt to keep himself steady.

“Noora! Look what you made me miss!”

At Eskild’s voice, Isak pulls away from Even. Even just pulls him back, sliding his arm around Isak’s waist.

“You can watch them make-out anytime, Eskild,” Noora says. “That’s all they do.”

“We also have deep philosophical discussions,” Isak says.

“Yeah, not interested in those. Anyway, we’re leaving. Don’t keep your clothes on while we’re gone!” 

“That’s the love story,” Even says once the door’s closed. “Noora didn’t love William. She loved not being alone. But she wasn’t actually alone here, because she had Eskild. And Linn, but I don’t think I can get her on camera.”

“That’s why she came home,” Isak realizes. “Instead of fixing it with William.”

Sometimes, Isak wonders if the sad/lonely feeling has tricked him again. He's attracted to Even in a way he wasn't to Sara, but he liked being with Sara. When she broke-up with him, he knew he didn't love her, but he did miss her. A lot, actually. It mixed with the way he missed his parents, Eva, and even Jonas when he started dating Isabell. Maybe, with Even, he just wanted someone around again. Maybe he just wanted to not miss someone. 

But when Even smiles at him, something rushes through Isak, like a really good buzz. He only feels that with Even, and he always feels it with Even. Every feeling with Even is new, unique, and really fucking good. 

So maybe Isak's just falling in love, and he just has to accept it. 

“I knew you’d get it eventually," Even teases. 

Isak scoffs. “I always got it. I’ve been two steps ahead of you this entire time.”

“Only two?”

“You have longer legs than me.”

Even pulls Isak closer into him, until their foreheads touch.

“Then tell me, Isak: what will our love story be?”

Isak is working on how he’ll convince Even not to turn the camera on him, but he knows the answer to this. If he's falling in love with Even and things stay as good as they are now, it'll be more romantic than Romeo and Juliet (and no one's dying on Isak's watch). If he's falling in love with Even and things go to shit, the heartbreak will be approximately a million times more painful than the sad/lonely feeling ever was. Either way, the answer's the same.

“Epic.”


	2. Eva

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the love and encouragement after the first chapter! I couldn't wait to write more. I hope you enjoy Eva's chapter. :)

Eva’s a little drunk.

Isak watches her dance with both Chris’s, Mahdi, and some guys from Even’s class he doesn’t know. As he should have learned from Even, the longer he stares at someone, the more likely they’ll stare back. Eva runs to him like they’re long lost best friends, which Isak supposes they kind of are. 

“Isak!” She throws her arm around his shoulder. “Where is your very handsome boyfriend? I’m ready for my interview!” 

Even’s shooting the rest of the party for something he calls B-roll. Every time his camera catches Vilde, she kisses Magnus. Every time it catches Jonas, he looks away. Eventually, it catches Isak, who waves like the natural movie star he is. 

Even lowers the camera. “Smile!” he mouths, then aims it at Isak again. 

Isak grins so wide that Even laughs. Success. 

“Even!” Eva yells. “Come film me! I will bare my soul! And maybe my breasts—no, I’m kidding! Kidding!” She laughs too loudly and turns back to Isak. “It would be good for Even’s film, though. He could win an Oscar.”

“I really don’t think we should do this now,” Isak says. Or, preferably, ever. 

“Oh relax, Isak. Isak, my best friend.” She tugs on his hoodie strings. “I won’t bare your soul, too. Though, it is quite the ‘epic love story.’ You pretended to be in love with me because you were in love with Jonas! Like we were in Gossip Girl!” Eva laughs so hard she snorts.

“I wasn’t in love with Jonas.” He thinks, anyway. He just didn’t think Eva was good enough for him. Or that anyone could be good enough for Jonas.

He still kind of thinks that. 

“Can you imagine if I told Even?” Eva whispers, louder than sober people talk. “If he knew our secret?”

“You’re keeping secrets?”

Even joins them, raising his eyebrows at Isak. “Oh, I have so many secrets,” Eva says. “Really good ones. Really juicy. That’s why you have to interview me now, Even. I need to tell someone my secrets." 

Isak’s thoughts are a steady stream of: _fuck, fuck, fuck_.

Even taps his camera. “I’m ready when you are.”

Eva leads them to an empty bedroom, but someone pulls Isak back. Sana, Isak’s very own guardian angel, preventing him from doing stupid shit. Trying to, at least. 

“Do you actually think this is a good idea?” Sana asks. 

“No!” Isak answers. “I think it's a fucking terrible idea! But I can’t control what they do, can I?”

Sana rolls her eyes. “Of course you can. Put a stop to this, unless you need me to do it for you?”

“I can do it myself.”

Sana raises her eyebrows. Her and Even could have a whole conversation with just their fucking eyebrows. “Prove it.”

Isak lifts his chest, relaxes his shoulders, stands up straight. He’s as strong as Sana. Stronger, even. He will put a stop to this. 

But when he enters the bedroom, Eva’s already talking about Jonas. More accurately, she’s delivering a monologue about how cool, funny, chill, smart, and hot he is. When Even sees Isak, he puts his finger to his own lips, the universal sign for _don’t fuck this up by talking_. 

Isak leans against the door. There’s no stopping this. At least he’ll have a quick escape.

“You really loved Jonas,” Even remarks when Eva pauses for breath. 

“Yeah, of course,” Eva says. “Everyone loves Jonas. Isak loves Jonas! Right, Isak?”

Again: _fuck, fuck, fuck_. 

Even just smiles at him, thankfully oblivious. “Right,” Isak says. “Of course.” 

Isak knows he’s not in the clear yet. He anticipates Even’s next question: if you loved him so much, why did you break-up? Oh, that’s because your boyfriend, Isak, pretended to be my best friend while actively trying to break us up, ruining my life in the process. In case that wasn’t clear, your boyfriend, Isak, did that. That man right there, in the hoodie and snapback. He’s a fucking snake. 

“Then why did you want to talk about Chris?”

Isak accidentally whacks the door in surprise. “Quiet on set,” Even teases.

“Sorry.”

Everyone knows that Eva and Chris still hook-up, but Isak assumed that’s all it was. Definitely not an epic love story, but maybe it seems like one to Eva when she's drunk.

“I know he’s a fuckboy,” Eva says. “ _He_ knows he’s a fuckboy. But he’s so much fun, Even.”

“Eva, this is great, but try not to address me directly.”

“Right. Mysterious boy behind the camera!” She laughs, and Even cracks a smile. “Mysterious boy behind the camera, I just want to have fun. I want to party without a babysitter. I want to hook-up without all the drama.” She stretches _drama_ the way Chris does. “I want to be part of russ without hearing a lecture about communism.”

“Capitalism,” Isak corrects. “I think that’s what you mean.”

“Yes, Isak! See, you really love Jonas. You actually listen to him.”

Even ignores her. “When you’re with Chris, what do you do?”

Eva buries her face into a pillow and giggles. “I can’t say on camera!”

“Other than hooking up,” Even says. “What do you do?”

Eva takes the longest pause she’s taken all night. “We’re always laughing. Even when we try to talk about serious stuff, we just end up laughing. It’s really nice.”

“It sounds nice,” Even says. Isak instantly becomes self-conscious. He devotes approximately 95% of his energy to making Even laugh, but there are some days Isak can’t even make him smile. 

“I’m never stressed when I’m with him. It’s just easy.”

“Do you think that’s love, though?” Isak asks. “Isn’t love supposed to be stressful?”

Eva shakes her head. “Eh…no? I think sometimes it’s just fun.” 

Eva’s phones goes off and she lights up almost as much as it does. She holds it up to the camera. “It’s Chris! Look, Ev—mysterious boy behind the camera! Epic love!”

“Beautiful, Eva,” Even says. “Cut.”

As Eva leaves, Isak texts Sana: _I didn’t put a stop to it. Sorry._

She replies within seconds: _You’re useless._ Isak doesn’t disagree. 

“Hey,” Even says, taking Isak’s hands and pulling him onto the bed. “We should listen to Eva. More fun, less stress.”

Translation: Let me smoke with you. Stop Googling my behaviour. Relax, Isak. Just fucking relax. 

“I mean it, Isak. You don’t need to worry about me so much.”

Isak brushes Even’s hair out of his face. He’s seen those eyes after 24 hours without sleep and after 24 straight hours of sleep. How can he not worry about that? “Yeah. Ok.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Probably because I’m lying.” 

At least Even laughs. That helps Isak relax a little, enough to reposition himself so his head’s resting on Even’s chest. 

“You know what’s hilarious?” Even asks.

“Mhm?”

“I think Eva thinks you have a thing for Jonas.”

Isak laughs as loudly as Eva did. It even sounds wrong to him. 

“That’s fucking crazy.”


	3. Vilde

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for the support! It's really appreciated. And to address some comments: there's some angst and there will be more, but this is ultimately Evak's love story. Hopefully you'll see some of that in this chapter. Enjoy!

Isak's already exhausted. 

Vilde talks faster than he thinks. Magnus is slower, but Isak needs more time to process what says. They’re answering questions Even hasn’t asked yet.

“So you see, Magnus and I work so well together because we both believe in love.” Vilde’s icing cookies as Magnus cuts the dough into hearts, stars, and flowers for kosegruppa. Magnus only joined for Vilde, but he’s not exactly a reluctant participant. “Most people at school are cynical and negative. I think it’s because of hook-up culture. People think love only lasts for twenty minutes.”

“Twenty minutes?” Magnus repeats through a mouthful of raw cookie dough. “What do you do for twenty minutes?”

“We have a great sex life, though,” Vilde says. “Very romantic, but also very sexy.”

“It’s fucking awesome,” Magnus confirms. 

Isak catches Even covering his mouth, fighting laughter. He texts him: _Keep it professional!_

Even winks at him, then replies: _We’ve proven that love lasts longer than 20 minutes._

Isak goes red. That they have. 

“Even? Are you getting this?” Vilde asks. “This will be the highlight of your film. Who else do you have? Chris and Kasper? Eva and—who’s Eva in love with this week?”

“Unclear,” Even answers. 

“This is the only story based on love,” Vilde says. “Not that we’re saying we love each other yet. It’s too early for that. But, at least we have the capacity to love.”

“We’re not the best story in the film,” Magnus says as he puts a tray of cookies in the oven. “That’s Evak. Think about it: the filmmaker makes a documentary about epic love because it’s the only way he understands what he’s feeling for his boyfriend. It’s romantic as shit.”

There’s the smallest second where Even almost looks shy, staring at the floor and shifting from foot to foot. It’s very, very small, but Isak’s glad he saw it. Sometimes, he forgets that Even’s into him, too. It’s just too fucking crazy and too fucking good that he would be. 

“Ah, but Isak won’t get in front of the camera,” Even says, his persona back on. They had the discussion after what Isak dubbed Eva Gate 2017. He told Even that he didn’t want to expose himself like that on camera. That he liked that there were some things about him that only Even knew. That he didn’t want to cheapen their relationship by treating it like something for others to look at rather than something for them to live in.

Even laughed at it off and said, “You just don’t want everyone to see how great I am so you’ll have me all to yourself.” And there was something to that, too. Something about their relationship seemed separate from the rest of Nissen, somehow above it. Their own universe. That’s why this documentary made Isak so fucking nervous. They were breaking the space-time continuum. 

“Isak, you need to do things,” Vilde says. “You need to engage, otherwise you’ll become sad, lonely, and depressed. Like Linn. Is that what you want?”

Isak notices now when people throw around words like depression. He doesn’t say anything, but he notices. “Yes, Vilde. That’s what I want.”

“I’m sorry, Even. We’re getting distracted,” Vilde says. “What else do you need from us? We can make-out, if you like?”

Magnus gives the thumbs-up. Isak’s becoming concerned by the amount of raw cookie dough he’s eating. 

“Maybe I can interview you each alone?” Even suggests. “You should probably go first, Vilde.” Isak hears what Even doesn’t say: because you will take hours, whereas Magnus will just say _Vilde’s really hot_. 

“I’ll man the cookies,” Magnus says. 

Vilde leads the three of them into her bedroom. Isak takes it in by following Even’s camera: workout plans, posters of models, pictures with her friends and Magnus. More pictures with Eva than anyone else. 

Even lingers on them. “These are nice,” he says.

“Oh, yeah. Thanks. We like taking pictures.” Vilde sits on her bed and Even sets up across from her. “Anyway, Magnus and I have quite the epic love story. I didn’t like him at first, but then I realized he wasn’t rude. He just liked me so much he didn’t know how to speak around me. It’s actually very romantic.”

“Have you ever felt like that?” Even asks. “Not knowing how to speak around someone?”

“Uh, yeah? Sometimes I say too much around people I like. It’s like I can’t stop talking. I don’t even know what I’m saying; it just all comes out.”

Vilde’s more self-aware than Isak thought. 

“Does that happen with Magnus?”

“Of course.” 

That’s all she says. That’s what concerns Isak.

Even grabs a framed photo from Vilde’s nightstand of her and the rest of her bus at the Christmas kosegruppa party. Eva’s arm is around Vilde and they’re sticking their tongues out. “Tell me about your friends,” Even says, tapping the picture. “You brought everyone together?”

Vilde smiles. “It’s one of the responsibilities of being buss boss. Creating a sisterhood.”

“What are they like?”

“Chris is the funniest person I know. Noora’s a little uptight, but she’s a good friend. Very caring. Sana would probably kill for us—I’m not saying that because she’s Muslin, just because she’s very tough. Strong.”

Isak cringes. Vilde and Magnus should not be allowed to have private conversations. They need someone to call them on their shit, the way Eskild did for him. 

“And Eva?” Even asks. 

“Eva…Eva rescued me. She didn’t leave me alone when I was crying. And when I was awful to her, she was still good to me. She’s fun, too. Actually, I think she’s funnier than Chris. And she’s also very caring, but not as judgmental as Noora. She’s not judgmental at all. A free spirit.” Vilde pauses, but only to smile. “I don’t think she’d kill for me, but she’d fight. I’d fight for her, too.”

Isak doesn’t know what the hell Vilde’s talking about, but he knows she’s talking too much. 

“I don’t know why she’s still hooking up with Chris,” Vilde continues. “He’s a fuckboy that’s not good enough for her. Did she explain why, Even? Will it be in the film?”

Even puts the camera down. Isak feels really fucking bad for Magnus.

“We can stop filming, Vilde,” Even says. “If there’s more you want to talk about. Privately.”

“No, why would I want that?" Vilde asks. "Shouldn’t I talk about Magnus some more?”

But all three of them know it’s pointless. She just doesn’t have that much to say about him.

\---

Isak lets Even interview Magnus alone. He can’t take it. 

Vilde hands him a heart-shaped cookie, slightly burned. “It’s not fair, Vilde. What you’re doing to Magnus.”

“What do you mean?”

“If you don’t actually like him, you need to just tell him.”

“I do like him.”

“Ok, but if you don’t like him as much as….” Isak doesn’t want to finish, but it’s clear Vilde won’t do it for him. “You know.”

“Do you know what I know, Isak? I know that you pretended to be into Sara and Emma. I know that you told Eva you had feelings for her because you had a crush on Jonas. So, it’s not really fair of you to judge me, is it?”

“I’m not judging you, but….” Vilde just waits. Why is she now insisting on letting him finish his sentences? “It’s not fair to yourself, either. You’re not being real. You’re not giving yourself the chance to be happy.”

“No, Isak. I’m saving myself from loving someone who doesn’t love me back. I already went through that with William. As long as this is just in my head, it can be whatever I want it to be. I can’t get hurt.”

Isak knows that feeling so damn well. He’s almost nostalgic for it. What he felt with Jonas wasn’t near as stressful as what he feels with Even. 

But he’ll take the stress in exchange for movie marathons where Even questions the director’s choices as he plays with Isak’s hands. For being teased and having someone to tease back. For having something—someone—to look forward to every morning. 

“Yeah, but you can’t fall in love either.”

\---

“How’d you know?” Isak asks Even that night in bed, face-to-face and holding each other. Yet another moment that makes the stress worth it. Isak’s lost count of them, and he only started counting a few hours ago. “About Vilde?”

“It was obvious.” Even brushes his thumb against Isak’s cheek. “I’m surprised you didn’t see it.”

“You miss a lot when you’re two steps ahead.”

“Clearly.” Isak shoves his chest. Even just laughs and pulls Isak in for a kiss on the forehead, then cheek, then lips. 

“Seriously, though. How did you know?”

“Vilde looks at Eva the same way I look at you.”

That’s what Vilde’s missing, Isak realizes. And he understands how fucking lucky he is to be seen by Even the same way he sees Even.

He’ll take the stress.


	4. Chris and Kasper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once again for the lovely comments! Fair warning: it's about to get angsty.

Isak doesn’t think there’s a story here.

He’s 99% sure Chris still wants to fuck him. And Kasper doesn’t talk. Each of their interviews lasted two minutes. _Yes, I like Kasper. Yes, I like Chris._

But Even’s been shooting them sitting on a bench for a fucking hour.

They’re not kissing. They’re barely holding hands. Sometimes, Kasper says something. Sometimes, Chris laughs. Mostly, they sit in silence, watching Even watch them.

Isak approaches Even from behind, wrapping his arms around Even’s waist. He’s bored. He’s horny. He’s a little stressed. All of his most recently used emotions. “Baby, let’s go back to my place. I think you’ve got everything.”

Even shakes him off and tilts his camera, capturing Chris and Kasper at a new angle. “Are you serious? We can’t leave now! This is it, Isak. This is art.”

It’s really just two people sitting on a bench. “It’s definitely abstract.”

“Yes! Abstract! It’s fucking fascinating.”

“They’re not saying anything." 

“You don’t have to speak to say something. Look, Isak. Just look.” Even hands him the camera. Isak acts like he knows how to hold it. “You know they each have at least a thousand different thoughts in their head. No, a thousand and one. You can see them, right? Through their bodies? Their eyes? Wait—here, I need the camera back. I’m going to get some close-ups.”

Isak surrenders the camera to Even and looks at him. Just looks.

Even slept for maybe two hours last night. He spent the night before at his mom’s, but texted Isak almost nonstop: song lyrics, memes, a dick pic. And Isak really should have known then, or maybe even before that, but he’s new to this. He doesn’t know what’s Even and what’s his disorder. He doesn’t know if it’s fair to think of them separately. He doesn’t know if it’s fair to think of them together. Google won’t give him a clear answer.

All Isak knows is there are more than a thousand and one thoughts in Even’s head right now.

And some of them could be fucking disastrous.  

“I’m starting to see how this film will come together,” Even says when he returns. “It’s going to be good, Isak. Really fucking good. Can you Google Sundance? How do you submit a film to Sundance?”

“Even—”

“You know what will take it from really fucking good to really fucking great?” Isak shakes his head. “If I get the hottest guy at school on camera.”

Even aims the camera at Isak. Chris and Kasper seem unfazed. Isak is incredibly fazed.

He pushes the camera away. “Let’s just go to my place.” A safe environment. That’s what Google recommends.

Even puts his camera in its bag and sets it on the ground. “How can I persuade you, huh?” he asks, putting his arms around Isak’s waist and raising his eyebrows. “Will this work?”

There’s too much behind Even’s kiss and Isak feels it all. When Even’s hands slip underneath his belt, Isak steps away. “Not here, ok?”

Even backs off. “You never want to do anything fun.”

“That’s not true. I do fun things all the time.”

“Yeah, but I don’t mean watching movies or playing video games. I mean _fun_ , things that are really fucking exciting. Like, crashing a stranger’s party. Or skinny dipping. We need to do something fun tonight, Isak. We need to go out.”

There is no fucking way they’re going out tonight. But Google told Isak he needs to meet his partner halfway. Don’t fight, rationalize. Why would it be a bad idea to go out? Other than: _you’re probably manic and who knows what the fuck you’ll do?_

“We have school tomorrow.”

“So?”

“So, we might want to skip tomorrow and fuck up our 10%.”

“Ok, then we won’t skip.” Even shrugs, crushing reason with the fall of his shoulders. “Do you remember fun, Isak? Do you remember when we used to have it? When you weren’t stressed all the time?”

“I’m not stressed.”

“You’re so fucking stressed! Going out will be good for you. We’ll go everywhere and do everything. ‘I can show you the world. Shining, shimmering, splendid.’”

Isak’s already seen the world. It’s not that great.

He wants to see inside Even’s head. He wants to sort the pieces that are him away from the ones that aren’t. He wants to understand so when Even goes through this, he can help. Or, so when Even goes through this, he doesn’t end up resenting him the way he sometimes resents his mom.

“Are we done?”

Kasper’s voice startles both of them.

“You put the camera away, so….”

“We’re done,” Even answers. “We’re going to live our epic love story now.”

Isak’s been researching epics for this documentary, helping Even find a narrative, parallels between them and the stories at Nissen.

He’s learning that most epics end in heartbreak.

\---

Isak’s been watching Chris and Kasper sit on a bench for three hours now.

He fucked up. He shouldn’t have called Sonja. He shouldn’t have let Sonja call Even’s mom. He shouldn’t have told them that he was scared.

He should’ve convinced Even to stay in. He should’ve gone out with Even and just kept him fucking safe. He should’ve known how to love Even in every state.

Maybe then Even would return his texts. Or calls. Isak’s going to send out a carrier pigeon next.

He’s texting with Sonja. She tells him he did the right thing. All that matters is that Even’s safe. It’s normal for him to lose his temper during manic episodes, so Isak shouldn’t worry too much. Even will forgive him. Even loves him.

But Even loved Sonja once, too. So Isak’s not sure why he’s taking her advice.

Even’s uploaded all of the documentary footage to Google drive and shared it with Isak. He’s been watching it since Even’s mom picked him up. He’s trying to see the world the way Even does.

 _Look, Isak. Just look_.

He’s the most captivated by Chris and Kasper. Of all the couples they’ve interviewed, they actually seem like they’re in love. Something about the way they look at each other, the way they smile, the way they kiss. But, how can you sit beside someone, know they have a thousand and one thoughts in their head, and not worry about the ones they don’t share?

How can you possibly relax enough to love them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're past the halfway point! There will be 3 more chapters after this. Each will still feature a different character, but as you may have guessed from this chapter, the focus is really shifting to Evak now.


	5. Jonas

Jonas is trying. It’s more than Isak asked for.

“Yeah, Eva’s really cool…just wasn’t the right time for us, I guess. Sorry, I don’t really know what you’re looking for?”

He’s been against the documentary from the start. Something about giving Big Brother more ammo. Isak didn’t really listen. He doesn’t love Jonas that much.

But when Isak asked him to be part of it so Even would get out of bed, Jonas agreed. “Sure, man. Whatever you need.”

Because Jonas knew what the past two weeks had been like.

First, there were there the four-and-a-half days in which Even ignored him. Then, there was the call from Even’s mom. He’d come out of his manic episode and was entering a depressive episode, and for some reason Isak hasn’t figured out, she thought he could help. Bipolar disorder seemed so fucking cruel to Isak. They deserved a break, not the other side of Even’s illness.

Even’s mom returned him with strict instructions. _Make sure he eats. Try to get him out of the apartment. If he talks about killing himself, call me immediately and don’t leave him alone._

Isak remembered the text Even sent him during the Christmas concert. Overcoming, overwhelming fear that it was a suicide note, that it was Over. He’ll do anything and everything not to feel that again. To never make that call to Even’s mom.

Even apologized for ignoring him. That he knew Isak was scared and doing his best. That he was more embarrassed than angry. That he was sorry to put Isak through this at all.

“It’s ok,” Isak said. “I know it’s not the real you.”

Even’s reaction suggested that was not the right thing to say.

And things had kind of been shit since. Even fought all of Isak’s suggestions: going for walk, taking a shower, eating an actual meal instead of endless snacks. They didn’t talk much beyond discussing whatever movie they were watching. And each time they kissed, Isak wondered why he felt further from and not closer to Even.

Some of it was the depression, Isak knew that. From living with Linn, he saw how it consumed people. Something else was off, though. Something between them.

The documentary was his Hail Mary pass. Even had all but given up on it, like all his other ideas, and they were out of willing participants. Most people didn’t want their business shared with the rest of the school unless they could curate and filter it on Instagram.

“What if I got Jonas?” Isak asked. For the first time in days, he saw something other than exhaustion in Even’s eyes.

“Yeah, actually. I want to talk to him.”

So, Isak got Jonas, and got Even out of bed.

They’re at the skate park. Jonas is sitting on his board as Even interviews him, but he hasn’t had much to say about Eva, Isabell, or whatever other girls he’s hooked up with. At least, not much he’ll say in front of a camera.

Even changes tactics. “How long have you and Isak been friends?”

Jonas looks past the camera and straight at Isak, asking permission. Isak shrugs. It’s not like this is Eva or Vilde. Jonas isn’t going to say enough to get him in trouble.

“Uh, I don’t know,” Jonas answers. “Forever? He’s just always been around.”

It’s amazing what friendship by proximity can evolve into.

“He said you really supported him when he came out,” Even says.

“Uh, sure? We just talked about it.”

“And when things went to hell with his parents.”

Isak startles. That is not common knowledge and it’s not going to become it. “You really think I’m going to talk about that on camera?” Jonas asks.

“No,” Isak answers. “You’re not.”

Even shrugs and put the camera down. “Just tell me, then. Seriously. I’m curious.”

Jonas looks between them, but mostly at Isak. “Look man, Isak can tell you whatever he wants, but I’m not going to.” He stands up and picks up his board. “Kind of seems like we’re done here, so—I’ll text you later, Isak.”

“Sure.” But there’s part of him that doesn’t want Jonas to leave. Really, he could have asked anyone else to participate in the documentary. Emma would’ve done it; she’s dating someone now. Or there’s Sana, who has a weird affection for Even despite not really knowing him. He asked Jonas because he wanted to spend some time with his best friend.

He wanted someone to be there for him.

“What was that?” Isak asks once Jonas is gone. They sit on the edge of the bowl, close but not touching. “You can’t just ask people questions about my life.”

Even sighs and puts his hood up over his beanie. He’s never warm lately. Isak shrugs off his jacket and hands it to him, but Even gives it back. "I'm fine, Isak. And I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted to know.”

“Know what?”

“How to take care of you.”

Even meets his eyes for the first time in days. Isak knows it’s the wrong way to react, but he laughs because it’s fucking ludicrous. He’s only thought about Even for the past two weeks, if he’s angry, if he’s lonely, if he’s ok, and Even’s worried about him? “I don’t need you to take care of me. I’m great.”

Even shakes his head. “You’re always stressed. And I know it’s because of me, which is fucked because I can’t help you through it.”

“I’m not stressed because of you.”

“Stop lying, Isak. I can always tell."

Isak knows that. Even understands him better than he understands Even. He feels kind of guilty about that.

Isak counts one, two, three minutes of silence until Even breaks it. “I wish Jonas was gay.”

“Do you have a crush?” Isak teases, but Even doesn’t laugh.

“No, but you do.” Isak decides not to lie. “He’s better for you than I am. He doesn’t stress you out.”

“Ok, but I’m not with him. I'm with you."

"Because he's not a real option."

Isak takes Even’s hand and squeezes tight. If he won’t believe his words, maybe he’ll believe the warmth in his touch. "I'm happy with you, Even."

“You can’t be happy with me when you’re scared of me.”

“Whoa, hey.” He takes Even’s other hand because fuck, he knows he needs to hold on now. “I’m not scared of you, Even. Not only am I very brave, but you are not very scary.”

“When I started—when I had my episode, you couldn’t wait to get rid of me. My mom said you were scared.”

“Fuck, not  _of_ you. You know what my worst case scenario is?” Even shakes his head. "Something happening to you, Even. That's what I'm scared of. I can't fucking handle that."

Even considers this for awhile. Isak wishes he’d consider it faster.

“Remember what you said the other day? You knew that I wasn’t the real me when I was manic?”

Yeah, but he wishes Even would forget that and all the other stupid shit he’s said. “I didn’t mean—”

“No, I know what you meant. It’s my disorder, but it’s still me, Isak. It’s how my mind works, and I can’t—even with treatment, I can’t control it. Not fully.”

“I know that.”

“It’s always going to be a thing. You're always going to be stressed about it.”

“It’ll get better, though. I’m learning. With some time—”

“To Google everything I do?" Isak looks down, embarrassed. "You think I don’t notice?”

Isak’s trying to do the right thing but feels like he's getting everything so fucking wrong.

“It’s like you can’t trust who I am. So, how can you love me?”

It’s the same question Isak asked himself, but he won’t dare tell Even that.

“I’m worried you were right,” Even says, letting go of Isak’s hands. They didn’t seem to warm him up.

“About what?”

“That your life would be better without mentally ill people in it.”

 _Fuck_. Why does anyone listen when Isak speaks? Why do they fucking remember what he says?

“Even, I didn’t know what I was saying then. I don’t think that now—not at all. My life is so much better with you in it. And I know that I’m stressed, but I’m working on it. It’s worth it to be with you. Everything’s worth it.”

Isak reaches for Even, but he backs away. “Maybe we just need some time. Some space.”

“Fuck that. That’s not what I want.”

“Yeah, it is. You just won't say it.” Even stands up, but leans back down to kiss Isak’s head. “Nothing’s over, ok? We’ll just take a break.”

Even’s walking away before Isak can stop him. He has to try something else.

“I love you.”

Even turns around and Isak thinks he might have done it. Maybe he’s saved them some heartbreak.

“I love you too, Isak. It's not always enough."


	6. Sana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the angst last chapter, but thanks for sticking with me. It's the bad that makes it so good when it's good, right? :) This is a shorter chapter and the penultimate one, mainly setting up the end. Hope you enjoy. <3

“How stupid are you?”

Isak assumes Sana’s asking a rhetorical question until she repeats it.

“Seriously, Isak. How stupid are you?”

Normally, Isak would defend himself. He’s a better student than Sana. He theorizes about the meaning of life. He’s manipulated his way out of some serious shit.

But right now, he can’t figure out how to work Even’s camera. “It’s not focused.”

“You’re not focused.”

He refuses to give Sana credit for that one. Too easy.

Even left his camera behind on Friday. They weren’t doing great at the whole _time and space_ thing. They talked at school, texted, and occasionally kissed. Isak was kind of sick of it. Of waking up wondering if this would be a day where Even ignored him or pulled him into an empty classroom to make-out.

When Even walked him home after Friday’s party and stayed longer than he should have, Isak asked, “Are we still on a break?”

“Yes.”

Isak gestured to the space between them, but hit Even’s thigh because they were lying beside each other. “Right, obviously. Stupid question. Just look at us. We couldn’t be further apart.”

Even sighed. Isak felt the rise and fall of his chest because he was so fucking close. “Do you want to define what a break is, then?”

“No. I don’t want to be on one anymore.”

“I’m not ready for that.”

“Then why are you still here with me?”

Isak whispered the question. He thought it was romantic, maybe even sexy. That he’d trigger something in Even’s complicated brain that would go: _wait, this boy is a genius! Why am I here? Because I’m in love with Isak and always want to be with him._

Instead, Even said, “You’re right. I should go.”

But he forgot his camera, which gave Isak an idea. He’d finish the documentary by himself. He’d show it to Even and say, “This is epic love. This is what I feel for you.” Romantic as shit. 

He’d use Noora and Eskild to show that they were best friends before anything else. Eva and Chris to show that they had fun together. Vilde to show that love could be communicated through a look. Chris and Kasper to show that they could love each other without fully understanding each other. He’d probably leave Jonas out.

Something was still missing. That feeling that Isak would do anything and everything for Even, no questions asked. And not out of obligation, but because he wants to. That's just how you feel about the people you love. 

That’s where Sana came in.

Isak saw the way she was with her friends. She defended them even when it made her vulnerable. She took care of them when they cried, threw up, and blacked out. She called them on their shit and helped them through it.

She agreed to help Isak with the documentary because, in her words, he’s “annoying as fuck” when things are bad with Even. And Isak thinks maybe she loves him a little, too.

“Give me that,” Sana says after Isak fiddles with the camera for a few minutes. “You’re not going to interview me.”

“I could just use my iPhone—”

“ _Isak_. How. Stupid. Are. You?” 

“I don’t know why you’re calling me stupid. You’re the one who’s asked me the same question three times. Are you ok, Sana?”

“No, I’m not ok. Do I really have to explain this to you?”

“Explain what?”

Sana gives him an eye-roll she usually reserves for Vilde. Isak’s a little offended. “Do you know what happens when you’re depressed?”

“Yeah. You just…stop feeling.” At Sana’s raised eyebrows, he adds, “Right?”

“There’s more to it. It’s like you brain’s constantly shit-talking you. You’re never good enough. No one would ever love you and no one should ever love you. It’s brutal because you really believe it. And Even, he withdraws….”

Isak furrows his eyebrows. Sana’s not known for leaving thoughts unfinished. “How do you know that?”

“Just based on the way he’s acting with you.” Sana shrugs. “He loves you, Isak. He just doesn’t think he deserves to.”

“That’s insane.”

“We know that, but he doesn’t.”

“Ok, but that’s why I’m doing this,” Isak says. “This film will show Even that.”

“No, it will show him that everyone’s willing to talk about their 'epic love' except for his boyfriend.”

“I’ll talk about it! I just don’t want everyone else knowing our business. That’s good, right? That’s normal?”

“No one’s going to watch this film, Isak,” Sana says. “Noora, Eva, and Vilde are all embarrassed. Jonas is worried about it. Do you hear that? _Jonas_ is worried.”

“Since when do you talk to Jonas?”

“I talk to everyone. My point is this film’s not for anyone but you and Even." 

That means Isak can truly make it whatever he wants. Exactly what he needs to say to Even.

“So, do you think the next step is still to interview me?”

Isak shakes his head.

Sana turns the camera on him. She knows how to focus it.

“Tell me about the mysterious boy behind the camera.”


	7. Isak and Even

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are at the end. Seriously, thank you so much for supporting this story. I hope you enjoy Isak and Even's chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. <3

Even doesn’t like relinquishing control.

He doesn’t have much of a choice when it comes to his mind. It surprises him, confuses him, and fucks him over—frequently and without warning. So, he controls what he can. He drinks and smokes, even though his mom, Sonja, every doctor he’s ever seen, and Isak tell him it’s bad for him. He sleeps on a schedule that suits him, not the one the world follows. He kisses the boys and girls he wants to kiss. 

He’s the director of his life until his brain interferes.

Or, until a fucking beautiful boy comes along. A boy that makes him laugh harder than he knew he could. A boy that challenges his thinking and leaves Even a little more optimistic about the world. A boy that decided to love him.

Even used to have some control with Isak. He was bolder, a little braver. Definitely more desperate. He could lead their relationship where he wanted it to go.

Then, he fell in love with Isak, and that went to hell. There was no controlling that kind of love. There was no controlling the inevitable heartbreak when Isak realized that Even was high maintenance, too crazy, and not worth loving after all.

Instead of dreading that day, Even created it. He proposed the break. They’d ease out of their relationship, growing a little further apart every day. It still hurt in a way Even could barely handle, but it was better than it being sudden.

The problem was that Even had no control around Isak. Just a look from him, a smile, a touch, and Even was fucking gone. He couldn’t ignore him. He couldn’t not kiss him. He couldn’t say no when Isak invited him over.

That’s how he ended up on Isak’s couch, in the dark, with a laptop in front of him and Isak freaking out beside him. Even notices the way Isak adjusts his snapback, plays with his hoodie strings, and looks everywhere but directly at him. It’s for the best. If Isak were to look at him, Even’s heart would somersault, flip, and crash right into his chest. He already feels it beating too fast.

 “So, I did something.”

Even raises his eyebrows. “Oh yeah? Want to tell me more?”

Isak shakes his head. “Just watch.”

He starts a video on his laptop. Even instantly recognizes the music: the instrumental version of “Kissing You” from _Romeo and Juliet._ Then, he recognizes his own voice.

“What do you think love is?”

Even turns to Isak, but his head’s buried in his sweater. “Don’t look at me, ok? Just watch.”

Noora’s on screen first. “I think you know you’re in love when the other person feels like the most important thing in your life.”

Eva. “Just feeling totally comfortable to be yourself with someone else.”

Vilde. “It’s everything. Life’s about falling in love.”

Then, Isak. His Isak.

“It’s what I feel for Even.”

Oh, fuck. There goes his heart.

“Like, I didn’t know what love was until I met Even,” Isak continues. He’s not looking at the camera, just like he won’t look at Even now. “Or, maybe I had an idea, but I didn’t think it was real.”

“And now?”

Even places Sana’s voice. Of course. She’s their guardian angel.

“Now, I don’t know. It must be real because there’s no other word that comes close to describing what I feel for Even." 

Even can’t believe that. Sympathy, pity, concern. Maybe some fondness, but not love.

“Tell me about that. What do you feel for him?”

“Uh, everything?” Isak laughs, just a little. Just enough. “I just really fucking like him. I’d rather hang out with him than anyone else. And I like talking to him about stuff. I want to know everything he thinks about.”

Even doesn’t even want to know about everything he thinks about. Isak doesn’t understand what he’s asking for.

“And the sex is probably ok,” Sana deadpans.

Isak smirks a little and shrugs, coy. “Yeah. It’s all right.”

Even knows he has more experience than Isak in that department—with boys, anyway. It has never felt as good as it does with Isak.

“I really care about him,” Isak says, without prompting from Sana. “Like, all I care about is whether he’s ok. It kind of consumes me.”

Even’s heart slows. That’s exactly what he doesn’t want. Isak deserves to think about something else.

“But what he doesn’t realize is that it’s totally selfish. I want him to be ok because I can’t handle it when he’s not. Wait, sorry--that’s not what I mean. I can handle it, but I fucking hate it.”

“You love him, so you don’t like seeing him hurt,” Sana says. “It’s not that complicated, Isak.”

“I don’t think the filmmaker is supposed to voice her analysis.”

“We’ll cut this out.”

“Ok. I have to figure out how to use iMovie first.”

Even laughs, and Isak—the real Isak, the boy that’s with him here and now, not only a screen—turns to him and smiles. “I did pretty good, right?”

Debatable. The music’s too loud behind their voices, and the cuts between the girls were choppy. But, “You look really good on camera.”

“There’s more.”

The scene shifts from Isak’s interview to a montage of the footage Even shot. There’s Noora pulling Eskild out of their apartment, Eva dancing with Chris, Vilde looking at Eva, an extended shot of Chris and Kasper sitting on a bench, Jonas showing Isak a trick on his skateboard. Isak’s voice speaks over it all.

“I think the most epic love is the everyday kind of love. Just being with someone through their best and worst moments. And I want to be with Even.”

It ends with a dedication: _for the mysterious boy behind the camera._

Everything’s out of Even’s control now. His brain, his heart, his own movie.  

“Even. Look at me.”

Isak takes all of Even into his arms. Like he didn’t already have him.

“I need you to believe me when I tell you I love you,” Isak says, then kisses him. “So on days when you don’t, I want you to watch this and remember. Ok?”

Even asks the question that’s been haunting him since he met Isak. “Are you sure you don’t want to love someone else?”

“Yes.”

There’s no hesitation Even can cling to.

So maybe Isak’s in love with him, and he just has to accept it.

“I don’t want to be on a break anymore,” Isak says.

“Breaks are stupid. Who came up with that idea?”

Isak shoves him. “Don’t make me mad at you. I just got you back.”

“You never lost me.”

Isak raises his eyebrows. He’s learning Even’s tricks. “Hey, this proves that I was always two steps ahead of you.”

“What does?”

“I told you our story would be epic.”


End file.
